Work and Life
How to Curb Your Exotic Dance Club Addiction and Build Something Real
Written by: Akua Hinds
May 5, 2017
If you’re like most women who are attracted to athletic, toned, good-looking guys who can dance, you’ve probably seen the Magic Mike, and Magic Mike XXL, movies. Channing Tatum did a phenomenal job showcasing the (fictitious) journeys of male exotic dancers in the films, and it couldn’t have been too difficult for Tatum to do because he used to work as an exotic dancer before he became a famous actor. If you’re turned on by exotic dancers and the sexy moves they perform on stage, you’re not alone. In fact, there are websites and fan clubs started by patrons of exotic dance clubs.
What some patrons and customers fail to realize is that what the performers are doing on stage is all for show. When the show is over, the performers go home to their regular lives. Have you been so focused on re-creating the fantasy that you see onstage that you’ve developed a fixation on exotic dancers and have neglected building a real relationship for your own life? If you’re not sure if you’re fixated on exotic dance clubs and performers, here are the signs and here’s what to do to curb your club addiction:
1. You’ve Become Unhealthily Attached To A Specific Performer. It’s perfectly reasonable to have favourites at the club. It’s also understandable to tip your favourite dancers onstage or during private shows. But what isn’t sensible is when you start feeling and acting territorial towards your favourite performers. When you glare at and harass other women who interact with your favourite dancers at the club, that’s a sign that you have crossed the line from being a fan, to being an obsessive stalker. Remind yourself that the performers have private lives that don’t include you. It’s part of a performer’s JOB to mingle and interact with customers, and if you harass other women who are paying attention to your favourite performer, you could be banned from attending future shows at the club.
2. You Spend All Your Money And Have Little If Any Savings. Sure, it’s fun to tip your favourite performers once in a while and get a special dance with them onstage. But it’s never in your best interests to spend every cent you have on your favourite entertainers. The performers are doing their jobs, but it’s your responsibility to look after yourself and use your money wisely. I have a personal rule for myself that I will not spend all of the money that I have in my wallet on entertainment purposes all at once. I must go home with at least some of the money that I had originally brought with me to whichever venue I’m going to, whether it’s to a movie, a concert, or a show. You can create an emergency savings account where you save small amounts of money that you would have spent at the club. If you save $1 per day, you’ll have $365 saved each year, and wouldn’t you rather have that money in your bank account or in your house instead of wasted on partying? You could use that money to pay a bill, buy groceries, fix your car, give to charity, and even start your own business! When you begin implementing a system in your life that only allows for spending a certain amount of money in certain places, you will gradually appreciate the discipline that you’re creating for yourself. When an emergency situation happens in your life (and it will), you’ll be glad that you have some money saved to bail yourself out of a jam.
3. You Make Excuses To Yourself About Why You Don’t Have Time For Relationships. Are you a pro when it comes to convincing yourself and other people that you’re not “ready” to be in a relationship? Perhaps you’ve had disappointments in the past, and you’d rather protect yourself from getting deeply involved with someone again and risking more disappointment. Or, maybe you’ve never gotten over your ex-partner. But if you’re using your time at the club as an excuse to “escape” your emotional issues, then you need to do some deep soul searching. The fantasies that exotic dancers perform on stage are just for show; they’re not real, and they aren’t perfect lovers. The performers are regular people who have insecurities and disappointments like everyone else, but the difference is that they are really good at their jobs and they are masters at putting on good performances. If you put the same amount of effort into your club excursions into personal growth and connecting with others, you might just find the right person for you sooner instead of later. When you lose your excuses, you find your results.
4. You Fantasize Daily About Dating The Performers. Let’s be real; yes, there are SOME people who date and befriend exotic dancers, but the odds are slim for most people. In the performer’s eyes, you are a customer. If you’re a club regular and develop a rapport with a dancer, your relationship with each other MIGHT be elevated in their eyes to being 10% friendship and 90% business. But you’re still a customer first. If a dancer really wanted to date you, it would be obvious. You would be welcomed into the “inner circle” and you’d be spending time together outside of the club if you were genuinely a priority to the dancer you’re crushing on. If your interactions with each other are limited to the club only, then you’re more of a customer than a friend.
There’s nothing wrong with enjoying your life and your time, but everything in moderation. Going to shows occasionally or for special events is fine, but if you find yourself getting addicted, then you need to make changes. Building a real, genuine relationship with someone who doesn’t require money to interact with you should take priority over an addiction to people who see you as a paycheque. The performers are doing their jobs; they’re working and trying to earn as much money as they can. Your number one job should be to create and implement healthy habits that compliment your life instead of complicate your life.
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Akua Hinds works as a journalist, actress, music performer & instructor, owner of 3 dating sites www.InterracialDesires.net, www.RichSinglesDate.net, www.ChristianPartner.co, and independent business owner at www.PureRomance.ca/AkuaHinds & www.PureRomance.com/AkuaHinds selling passion products. Please visit www.AkuaHinds.com for more information.
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